Thoughts on the New Year, in short.

01-01-2026

Today marks the beginning of the new year, I don’t know how to really feel about it. At the beginning of 2025, my family took a trip to the beach and I think that was one of the best parts of the year for me. That same month, we got kicked out of our house and spent the first bit of 2025 tangled up in problems. I like to think it ended as well as it could have ended, but with the experiences of this year, I can’t help but wonder and even feel a little scared.

I know, realistically, I have nothing to be afraid of. I know nothing horrible will happen right off the bat, and if anything does happen. I have people that I know and love there to support me. But after a good month spent with intense suicidal ideation clouded the beginning of my year, it gets hard to accept the good possibilities over the bad.

However, with the way my December went, it has made me hopeful. I passed through my first semester of college with 4 A’s and 1 B in my classes where I was absolutely positive I’d fail. I’m riding the high of the highest praise I have ever gotten from any teacher before on my final for my philosophy and religions class. I am hopeful for my upcoming semester where I can finally begin focusing on my major in anthropology. I really do feel as if things are finally looking up for me, and I feel even more confident in this since other around me say they see it too

I have never been a very confident person, I tell myself I’m being stuck up and annoying if I praise myself too much, but I really do feel it this time around. Sometimes, the idea comes back and it gets me down, but I really do try to keep it away and at bay as much as I can. Of course, it’s not that easy to undo years of doubt, but if I don’t try, then I’ll be stuck forever, and I don’t want to keep living like that. I don’t want to constantly live with a little devil on my shoulder telling me I’m annoying and full of myself and undeserving of the love and praise I get, because it makes me miserable to think that. This is the one time I haven’t felt like that, and it’s so weird to me.

So, in the end, I think I will actually make real New Year's resolutions. To bake more, write more, go outside more and photograph more. I’ll start driving, I’ll take care of myself more and focus more on school. I want to be better so that when I have the life I have been wanting for so long, I can enjoy it properly and to its fullest. I have to start now to make sure of it.